Mature Life Features

Cecil Scaglione, Editor

Archive for the ‘Humor / Quote’ Category

If You Buy . . .

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. . . paint at the paint store

and shoes at the shoe store,

what do buy at the corner store?

Written by Cecil Scaglione

September 6, 2023 at 9:13 pm

Posted in Humor / Quote

Tagged with

We’ve Been Taught That . . .

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. . . nothing rhymes with orange.

It does not.

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Written by Cecil Scaglione

August 30, 2023 at 9:35 pm

Posted in Humor / Quote, Uncategorized

Tagged with

Like Most Folks . . .

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. . . I have a favorite chair – –

my recliner and I

go way back.

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Poking Fun into the Past:

Our Most Beloved Humorist

By Tom Morrow, Mature Life Features

Today’s humorless woke culture makes it almost impossible for anyone to poke fun at anyone in the political spectrum without being shouted down by some portion of the population.

That is to say, it’s a good thing Will Rogers isn’t tossing off his incisive barbs these days when so many folks search for reasons to be offended.

He was born Nov. 4, 1879 in the Cherokee Nation of Indian Territory, now Oklahoma, and fashioned a life as a cowboy, vaudeville performer, stage and film actor, humorist, newspaper columnist, and social commentator.

Rogers often quipped his ancestors did not come over on the Mayflower, but they “met the boat.” He traveled around the world three times, made 71 movies (50 silent films and 21 talkies) and wrote more than 4,000 nationally syndicated newspaper columns. By the mid-1930s, he was among the highest paid Hollywood stars.

He poked fun at Prohibition, politicians, gangsters, government programs, and a host of other controversial topics in a way that found general acclaim from a national audience. He often proclaimed, “I am not a member of an organized political party. I am a Democrat.” In 1901, he and a friend went to work as cowboys in Argentina before setting sail for South Africa, where he was hired at a ranch. It was there that he started his show business career as a trick lariat roper in Texas Jack’s Wild West Circus.

That’s where “I learned the great secret of show business — knowing when to get off the stage. It’s the fellow who knows when to quit that the audience wants more of.” He took his roping act to Australia and returned to the United States in 1904, appearing at the St. Louis World’s Fair before joining the vaudeville circuit, which led him to New York’s Ziegfeld Follies on Broadway.

In 1918, Hollywood producer Samuel Goldwyn gave him a three-year contract at triple his Broadway salary. At the same time, Rogers was on his lecture circuit and wrote his New York Times syndicated column, “Will Rogers Says,” that reached 40 million readers daily. His newspaper column expressed his traditional morality and belief that political problems were not as serious as they sounded. He urged isolationism for the U.S.

During his lectures, Rogers quipped, “A humorist entertains, and a lecturer annoys.” From 1929 to 1935, Rogers’ radio broadcasts sponsored by the Gulf Oil Co. was ranked among the nation’s top programs.

He was an aviation enthusiast and promoted a military air force along with his friend, Army Gen. Billy Mitchell.

 Although he supported President Franklin D. Roosevelt’s New Deal, he easily joked about it, saying, “Lord, the money we do spend on government. It’s not one bit better than the government we got for one-third the money 20 years ago.” Rogers increasingly expressed the views of the common man and downplayed academic credentials, noting, “Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.”

In 1935, Rogers asked his friend, famed aviator Wiley Post to fly him to Alaska to search for new material for his newspaper column. On Aug. 15, they left Fairbanks for Point Barrow. About 20 miles southwest of their destination they landed to ask directions. Upon takeoff, the engine failed and they plunged into a lagoon. Both men died instantly.

Before his death, Oklahoma commissioned a statue of Rogers, representing the state in Statuary Hall of the  U.S. Capitol. Rogers insisted his image be placed facing the House Chamber so he could “keep an eye on Congress.” Capitol tour guides say each president traditionally rubs the statue’s left shoe for good luck before entering the House Chamber to give the annual State of the Union address.

Many landmarks are named in the humorist’s honor: Will Rogers World Airport in Oklahoma City, the Will Rogers Turnpike between Tulsa and Joplin, MO, and 13 Oklahoma public schools. U.S. Highway 66 is known as The Will Rogers Highway with a dedication plaque at the roadway’s western terminus in Santa Monica. There have been two U.S. Postage stamps dedicated in his honor and the U.S. Navy’s Benjamin Franklin class submarine, USS Will Rogers, was launched in 1966.

Among his more widely known sayings are, “All I know is what I read in the newspapers,” and “When I make a joke no one gets hurt; when Congress makes a joke it becomes law.” Probably his most famous quote is the epitaph in his Clairmont, OK, tomb stone: “I never met a man I didn’t like.”

Written by Cecil Scaglione

August 20, 2023 at 9:00 pm

I Always Thought . . .

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. . . for a long time —

and then I quit.

Written by Cecil Scaglione

July 7, 2023 at 6:07 pm

Posted in Humor / Quote

Tagged with

If You Can Get . . .

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. . . decaffieneated coffee,

how come you can’t get

deiced ice-cream?

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‘Tis Good for the

Sole — er, Soul

Get ready to read this aloud to a crowd.

Start simply by pronouncing the word ghoti. Go ahead, say it.

You pronounced the gh as it tough – f – right?

Then the o like in women — i.

And the ti like in national – sh.

You got it right: fish

That’s the peril of this language. Drop a letter and what’s yours is ours. It’s rough, because you add a couple of letters and you’re through.

A simple alphabet change and you cough up your dough.

Are you saying these words out loud?

It was our Spanish teacher who pointed out Sir Winston Churchill’s admonition about paying attention to the pitfalls and peculiarities of the language.

“There certainly is a difference,” he pointed out, “between looking at a young woman sternly and looking at her stern.”

Written by Cecil Scaglione

June 9, 2023 at 9:30 pm

Posted in Humor / Quote, Uncategorized

Tagged with

It Occurred To Me . . .

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. . .recently, that we’ve always known

babies are delivered by a stork,

but it seems probable

that the heavier ones

were dropped off by a crane.

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Written by Cecil Scaglione

May 25, 2023 at 8:25 pm

Posted in Humor / Quote

Tagged with

If . . .

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. . . you take life

with a grain of salt,

why not add lemon

and a shot of tequila.

Written by Cecil Scaglione

May 25, 2023 at 6:51 am

Posted in Humor / Quote

Tagged with

A Letter to the Editor . . .

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. . . responding to a Wall Street Journal piece

about angry parents at kids’ games

merits reproduction:

“As a former Little League umpire,

I would consider returning to the job

only if I I were assured that

both teams came from an orphanage.”

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Written by Cecil Scaglione

May 18, 2023 at 7:03 am

Posted in Humor / Quote

Tagged with

If Somebody . . .

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. . . gave you a book on anti-gravity,

would you be able to put it down?

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Written by Cecil Scaglione

May 15, 2023 at 8:24 pm

Posted in Humor / Quote

Tagged with

You Know . . .

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. . . you’re getting old when,

The Heat arrives and

you have to ask yourself

if you want a nice dish of ice cream

or a nice cold glass of beer.

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Test Your Financial IQ

So your braggart broker brother-in-law bugs you about not taking his advice and making a billion in the stock market. Or you think you have all the answers to present and possible problems in your financial future.

A financial IQ test published in Kiplinger’s Personal Finance magazine could put both of you to the test with a few basic questions that examine some rudimentary tenets of a sound personal fiscal policy.

A fun question asked how big a check you think you would get if you chose the cash option after winning a lottery jackpot of $100 million but had to split it with another person who also had the winning lottery number. After cutting the winnings in half and choosing a one-time cash payment, you would get a check for about $20 million.

By taking the one-time payout instead of monthly payments over 30 years, the prize amount is whittled down based on what is known as the “time value of money” according to a formula comparing the worth of today’s dollars against $1 three decades from now. This cuts your half-share of the lottery winnings to about $27 million, of which the Internal Revenue Service will claim some 25 percent. And then there are layers of other state and federal taxes to cut through before being able to tote your final total to the bank.

Then there’s the question about remarrying after your spouse of several decades has died. Should you marry the person who has emerged in your life as a possible mate or should you just move in and live together so you don’t forfeit Social Security survivor’s benefits based on your late husband’s hefty earnings history.

Go ahead and remarry, the article states. Widows and widowers 60 years and older may remarry and collect benefits based on their deceased spouse’s record if its more than what they’ve earned.

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Written by Cecil Scaglione

May 2, 2023 at 9:49 pm

Posted in Finance, Humor / Quote