Archive for the ‘Humor / Quote’ Category
It’s Finally Occurred To Me . . .
. . . that the reason
people give out free advice
so easily is
because they aren’t using it.
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Be a Good Scout at Tax Time
Be prepared. This maxim emblazoned in Boy Scout lore also applies to the thorny annual chore known as “doing my taxes.” A simple system of keeping receipts and monthly statements can save you a lot of aspirin at filing time. It can also cut down on your cost of tax preparation since the less time your tax preparer has to spend on your return, the lower the bill.
Three basic items will help establish a workable record-keeping system:
— your checkbook register,
— a clutch of file folders for financial statements and receipts, and
— a workbook to log any deductible expenses, such as mileage to and from medical appointments. Your tax preparer can advise you on how to make this basic program work best for you. They might suggest that you update your files monthly.
It’s always wise to call your tax accountant early because the rules keep changing. By starting early, you’ll be aware of what you’ll need to wrap up your current year’s tax filing.
Remember that banks, bosses, and brokerage houses — almost anyone paying you an income of any sort — report these transactions to the Internal Revenue Service. The agency gets all these notices and its computers try to match up the information from these sources with the information you prepare and file.
Besides staying ahead of the game by being prepared, keep in mind that the IRS makes mistakes. It’s easy to foul up a Social Security number, for example, and you might get an IRS notice based on garbled data. One tax preparer recounts often an incident in which a bank’s report to the IRS of a customer’s mortgage interest payment was read as interest income. The taxpayer was then notified by the IRS of a disparity in tax owed to the government because of this “additional income.”
It Was Just . . .
. . . the other day
that I mentioned I couldn’t remember
the last time I had a cold.
Now I remember.
I caught one yesterday and still have it.
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All we hear about Humpty Dumpty is his great fall.
He musta had a lousy summer.
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Fish Fight Arthritis
The omega-3 fatty acids in fish bolster your body’s ability to battle inflammation that autoimmune rheumatoid arthritis causes to its victims’ joints, heart and lungs.
A couple of fish servings a week can alleviate the pain and discomfort as can a daily dose of fish supplement.
Vitamin C-rich foods, such as citrus fruit, also can help. Two CCs – celery and cherries – can alleviate the pain caused by gout, a form of arthritis that flares up without warning to attack joints. Cherry juice also can help.
If you’re prone to gout attacks, you should avoid carbohydrates, such as white bread, and commercially prepared baked goods as well as processed foods.
Nice Quiet Week . . .
. . . but prepare your questions
for the Town Hall meeting at
4 p.m. Tuesday in the 2nd Floor Theater
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I don’t have to be patronized
by physical-health nuts
who show off their six-packs.
I just pat my tummy
and point out I have a keg.
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Penny Earned No Longer Worth It
The penny may soon be only in our thoughts, to paraphrase an old adage.
The wisdom of producing pennies is being questioned because the coin costs more than 2 cents to produce.
Canada quit making pennies a decade ago because it was costing 1.6 cents to produce 1 cent.
This relinquishing of the penny is a reminder of the pressures being exerted to do away with cash.
British lawmakers are mulling laws that would make sure that the less-than-20 percent of their population that relies on cash will receive their change in cash
Promoters of a cashless society argue that maintaining automated teller machines (currently paid for by the banks) is costly. Retailers and other businesses report accepting cash takes more time and costs more than payments made by store card, debit card, credit card or cryptocurrency.
And don’t forget that handy-dandy contactless-payment tool in your hand – the cell phone.
The pressures for change are not going away.
Next in the line of sight of those who want to abolish coins is the nickel. Their argument sounds familiar. It costs more to make a nickel than its worth – about 7 cents.
Britain is abolishing checks slowly but surely. They originally planned to dump checks in 2018 but it’s taking a bit more time to smooth out the wrinkles caused by their demise.
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Why Is It . . .
. . . that people who maintain
they don’t believe everything they hear
feel they have to repeat it?
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Contributed by Kathy F.
Father Murphy’s parish was poor so he asked his parishioners for suggestions on how to raise some money. He was told that the owner of a race horse always seemed to have money so he decided to purchase an equine. His lack of experience and budget led him to buying a donkey, which he proceeded to enter in the races at the local track.
If finished third in its first a race and the local sports page ran the story with the headline, “Father Murphy’s Ass Shows.” The bishop reportedly was was not pleased. The donkey won its next race, which was reported with the headline, “Father Murphy’s Ass Out Front.” While the bishop was said to be highly displeased, he didn’t take any action. Until its next race, when it came in second and the headline read, “Father Murphy’s Ass Back In Place.”
The bishop ordered the priest to take it out of its next race. The headline on that report was, “Bishop Scratches Father Murphy’s Ass.” That did it. The bishop told the cleric to get rid of the animal.
Father Murphy couldn’t bring himself to sell it, so he gave it to Sister Agatha who’s rural convent had a lot of grass-munching space. The editor who printed that story wrote, “Father Murphy Gives His Ass to Sister Agatha.” The red-faced bishop told her to get rid of the beast anywhere, as long as it was out of his diocese. She managed to sell it to a rancher in another county for $10. Which was reported under the headline, “Sister Agatha Peddles Her Ass for Ten Dollars.”
And the bishop was buried three days later.
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Bocce Ball Fans . . .
. . . who wish to revive their skills
should grab a jacket and meet at Verena’s front door
at 11 a.m. Friday
to leave for the courts at Chandler’s Tumbleweed Park.
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Have You Ever Noticed
that the reward
for a job well done
is more work?
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What’s In Any Name?
In an earlier post, I discussed several versions people have of offered of my name over the years. During all that time, I’ve saved clips of names that must have given their owners interesting moments during their lifetime.
The Troy (NY) Record is the source of this submission — the Rev. William Knight Gown. It also provided the name of Elizabeth Streetman Oberhellman Hickenlooper Duttonholter.
In Nevada, a Pansy Spicer married a chap whose last name was Garden. In Chicago, Liberty Banister reportedly married Charity Stairs.
Rachel Harr wed Daniel Hardy in Maryland for a Hardy-Harr ceremony and celebration that sounded like a lot of fun. A Denver dude named General Pancake exchanged marriage vows with a gal named Farina.
A Florida bank whose president was Jerry Banks had a cashier named Golda Counts. Employed in a downtown San Diego bank at one time was a staffer listed as A. Dollar.
The following were collected by a professor at Yale: Shady Banks, Crystal Chanda Lear, Will B. Muchmore, Quigg Newton, Purdie Good and Dr. I. M. Sick.
Long-time-ago Texas Gov. Big Jim Hogg had a daughter named Ima Hogg. I unearthed a Jack Daniels in Chile and a Christian Guy in Britain.
And Dr. Whet Fartz attended to patients in Pittsburgh while Ben Dover sold real estate in Butts County, GA.
A Longtime Colleague . . .
. . . just returned from a trip to China.
I asked him what is was like
when he was over there.
He said he couldn’t complain.
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You Folks at Verena
can learn how to make in-home medical appointments
at 2 p.m. tomorrow (Thursday) 2nd floor theater.
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Not All Seniors are Senile
Our current day culture still emphasizes the glamor of youth while blowing the dust off of people considered old who function at a level somewhere between a chimpanzee in diapers and a toddler with a hearing deficiency.
This myth of diminished capacity is being eroded somewhat by the more than 70 million baby boomers moving into the aged cohort. But there’s still a great need for communication between the young and old. In underlining the seriousness of the situation, David Solie draws on the German proverb:
“Fear makes the wolf bigger than he is.”
“Bodies don’t work as well when we age, so it seems reasonable to assume that brains don’t work
as well, either,” he writes in his book, “How to Say it to Seniors.” While the book was put together as a tool for consultants working with seniors, his insights also have applications for family and friends. Examples of successful seniors he cites include Verdi’s “Otello,” the founding of the Christian Science Monitor by Mary Baker Eddy, and the design and construction of Frank Lloyd Wright’s Guggenheim Museum in New York City. These achievements were attained when those individuals were aged 70 and 71.
“Our love of the biological model of aging has duped us into believing that ‘slowing down’ is synonymous with diminished capacity,” he states about the segment of population “that Tom Brokaw writes about in ‘The Greatest Generation.'” So there is no excuse for the communication gap separating children, parents, and grandparents, especially when it comes to money matters.
You should know, for example, if your parents have enough money to live on in their retirement. If they have never discussed it with you, then you can use a variety of tactics to broach the topic.
For starters, vital for everybody is the need to maintain control over their lives. So if your parents are already retired, Solie suggests you ask them for some help by explaining how they came up with their retirement plan. This can lead to exploration of both your financial situations – yours and theirs. The discussion, once opened, can expand to medical and health coverage, estate planning, and wills.
Parents can use the same strategy by asking their children for some book-keeping help to refine their retirement financial plans. Then they can both work on a program. Look over all insurance policies, tax returns, pension statements, property deeds and mortgage documents, loan papers, bank and credit-card statements, and any other pieces of the paper trail that led them to their present position.
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A Reminder . . .
. . . to y’all.
Bookmark this:
maturelifefeatures.com
and give it a quick check every morning.
I’ll try to keep posting reminders and updates
along with some other copy that might entertain.
It’ll take just a minute.
If you have a comment or observation,
send it to me at
cecilscag@gmail.com
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I learned a quick lesson
after I questioned
some of my wife’s choices
and she pointed out
I was one of them.
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Like Apple a Day,
Telemedicine Keeps Doctor Away
Your best health tool may be your cell phone.
Call it telemedicine or telehealth, it’s the future of doctor-patient relationships and it’s already arrived.
Telehealth exploded during the COVID-19 pandemic shutdowns and there no longer is any question within and without the medical community that telemedicine is here to stay.
While face-to-face visits with primary-care physicians and specialists are expected to continue for critical cases, chronic-care no longer will call for a patient to get a ride to the doctor’s office. It can be handled by phone or computer.
Which could also be part of a growing problem because it’s difficult to reach a real person by phone anymore, even to make appointments.
After an annual visit to a specialist monitoring his liver condition, a relative was told to make appointments for an ultrasound reading and a blood test. The blood-test appointment had to be made online and it took several sessions with a computerized voice to get called by a person to make the ultrasound appointment.
A computerized phone call notified him the results of the test were posted on the patient portal in his computer. He had to read — and translate — the results himself. He assumed everything was routine because the doctor, or his assistant, would call if there were any problems or peril.
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I’ve Never Told . . .
. . .this to anyone before but,
when I found out
what electricity could do,
I was shocked.
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Mature Motorists Slowing Down
The “get ’em off the road” gang is after aging drivers again. This happens every time a silver-haired motor-vehicle operator gets into an accident.
Take away their license. Test them every year. Let them walk. They bring out the statistics that senior drivers are the second-most accident-prone segment of American’s motoring public. However, the single-most road-risky group are teen-aged drivers. But no one suggests taking away their licenses.
Detractors of senior drivers suggest taking driving licenses away at a certain age. How about holding back drivers’ licenses to young people until they reach a certain age? Neither of these suggestions make sense.
Age is not the problem. The problem is common sense and competence behind the wheel.
It is estimated that one out of every five of the nation’s drivers will be older than 65 by 2030. A Massachusetts Institute of Technology study indicates that most older drivers limit or stop driving on their own as they perceive their capabilities diminishing.
About 70 percent of more than 3,800 drivers 50-years-and-older queried said they restricted their driving under a variety of conditions. These included bad weather, heavy traffic, rush hour, night time, long distances, and freeways.
Older drivers apparently develop strategies to compensate for failing vision, slower reflexes, stiffer joints, and medication, according to researchers. They can help their cause by supporting physical improvements such as signs that are larger and less complex, improved lighting and enhanced visibility at intersections, and remedial-driving programs.
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It’s Party Time!!!
But you folks at Verena
can squeeze in your 1:30 p.m. writing class
before the festivities begin at 3 p.m.
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I can’t even count the times
I failed math at school.
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If It’s Autoimmune,
It Can Be Anything
A visit by the blahs, flu, endless fatigue, chills, sweats, and whatever is a reminder me of what has become one of medicine’s major mysteries – autoimmune disorders.
More than 100 conditions have joined the list since they were first labeled a little more than three decades ago. Among the most common are rheumatoid arthritis, Crohn’s disease, type 1 diabetes, lupus and multiple sclerosis. What links these is their root cause: your immune system is battling part of you – your skin, blood vessels, joints, nerves or organs.
In my case, it’s autoimmune hepatitis and my liver is the enemy.
It all began to surface a dozen years ago while on a trip to Italy. I began feeling tired and just couldn’t shake loose of that feeling. When we got home, it took half a year of tests, MRIs, X-rays and biopsies to unearth the cause.
I learned my liver has four major stages: good, not too bad, fatty and it-has-to-be-replaced. Mine was on the cusp of fatty and the final stage. And being autoimmune hepatitis means the doctors have no idea what caused it.
Steroids were prescribed immediately. The first one had to be discarded when they conflicted with the bladder-cancer pills prescribed a couple of years later. And I’ve been told I should avoid getting sick.
I did fall victim to COVID-19 a couple of years ago but got through my quarantine suffering mostly from boredom. Not too long ago, I woke up sweating and with the chills. I felt fatigued, unsteady on my feet and had a cough that was persistent in spells. Was this COVID-19 again, or the flu, or something else?
I felt like I felt in Italy several years ago so I did what a doctor’s assistant suggested back then. I took a bottle of water out of the fridge, sipped some, turned on the television set, curled up in my big chair, and fell asleep.
“Just baby yourself and wait things out,” she said. And that worked.
I don’t know how I got sick so we’ll just have to call it the autoimmune under-the-weather syndrome.
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Get Your Arms In Shape . . .
. . . for Bocce ball
Friday 11 a.m. poolside.
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What . . .
. . .do vegetarians count
to go to sleep?
Heads of lettuce?
Cucumbers?
Pumpkins?
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Only Your Computer Knows Virtual Money
It’s a tenet of investing: if you don’t understand the company or product and what it does, drop it and move on to something else. Which makes the Bitcoin story bizarre. Not only is it understood by a select group of financial high flyers, no one is really sure who started it.
Since the Bitcoin’s birth a dozen years ago, it’s travelled a bumpy road the stretches from a price of $400 five years ago to more than $60,000 about a year ago. Along the way it dropped to $4,000 in 2019 from $19,000 two years earlier.
The value of Bitcoin rises only if there’s a demand for it. If no one wants it, the value drops dramatically.
If Bitcoin sounds a bit scary, there are more than 6,500 other cryptocurrencies on the market.
If Bitcoin doesn’t catch our fancy, you can purchase Ethereum, Litecoin, Stellar, Polkadot or Cardano among the thousands of other options.
None of these currencies involve printing presses. They exist only in computers – cyberspace.
There is a growing industry servicing the spending of Bitcoins after you buy them. They’re readily available at thousands of automated teller machines around the country.
And there’s a whole new language involved.
For example, Ethereum claims to be “a decentralized software platform that enables smart contracts and decentralized applications (dapps) to be built and run without any downtime, fraud, control, or interference from a third party.
“The goal behind Ethereum is to create a decentralized suite of financial products that anyone in the world can freely access, regardless of nationality, ethnicity, or faith.”
Did you get all that?
Transactions are conducted through a digital ledger called a blockchain. This involves a worldwide computer network that stores the virtual money in a digital wallet.
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Mature Life Features 