Archive for the ‘Humor / Quote’ Category
There Comes a Time . . .
. . . in everyone’s Life
when their subscriptions run out
and they have to turn to Good Housekeeping
for their Women’s Health and settle with
some good old-fashioned Country Living with People.
Puns Can be Punny — er, Funny
Included among the list of don’ts in my life is to never talk about infinity because the conversation could go on forever. As we were growing up, my sister applied for a job at the post office but they wouldn’t letter because they said only mails worked there. She got a job at a calendar factory but that didn’t last long because they fired her after she took a day off.
My brother wanted to buy a boat so I told him to look under the For Sail section in the classified ads.
There was the time I ran into my friend and, when I visited him in the hospital, he asked me why I didn’t miss him. He said he was sleeping like a log so I told him he’d have to start looking for a fireplace. He also had a wife who had a photographic memory. The problem was, she never developed it.
After a trip to Australia I had trouble remembering how to throw a boomerang but it usually came back to me.
I’ve always thought that becoming a vegetarian would be a big misteak. There are health nuts trying to ground me because I drink coffee. And waking up this morning to write this opus was an eye-opening experience.
As Spring Heads Inexorably . . .
. . .toward summer,
young men’s fancies
turn toward
the birds and the bikinis.
We’re Doing a Great Job . . .
. . . of shaping this Earth
into something
the meek won’t want to inherit.
New Arrival . . .
. . . appears to have an open mind and,
it turns out,
they have a mouth to match.
My Son Points Out . . .
. . . he can tell people are judgmental
just by looking at them.
Now that’s a pretty good judgment call.
A Sure-Fire Way to Ge Rid. . .
. . . of folks who ask you how you’re doing
when you know they don’t care
is to respond with the question:
“Why do you want to know?”
When You’re Told . . .
. . . to put two and two together,
you’d better ask
if they want you to come up
with 4 or 22.
Mature Life Features 