Archive for the ‘Humor / Quote’ Category
One Of My Neighbors Here . . .
. . .looked surprised
when I told her
she drew her eyebrows too high.
Gray Divorce On The Rise
While the overall divorce rate has been declining over the last couple of decades, the one group bucking this trend is older couples in long-term marriages. The marital-splitting rate for couples older than 50 years of age has doubled since the 1990s and has tripled for those older than 65, according to reports by the Washington, DC-based Pew Research Center.
There are several reasons for this surge in gray divorce.
We’re living longer and couples are splitting rather than spending an additional 20 or 30 years with a spouse they no longer like. More women have become high earners over the years and no longer facc daunting economic problems if they decide to go it alone. Many couples decide to give up on an unhappy union after the children leave the nest.
This phenomenon is not restricted to the U.S. In Canada, the only age group registering an increase in the rate of divorce are folks older than 50. The divorce rate among “silver surfers” in the U.K has doubled since the turn of the century and the Japanese call gray divorce the “retired husband syndrome.”
If You Think . . .
. . .life is giving you melons,
you might be dyslexic.
Look After Eye Strain
Many parts of your body don’t work as well after your 50 as they did before you strolled through the half-century mark. A common but overlooked problem is dry eye, which results in itchy and burning eyes. The irritation often is caused by lowered tear production, which decreases with aging and can be exacerbated among snowbirds who spend their winters in dry desert climates.
Long sessions at your computer, driving, and watching television are also among the causes. Over-the-counter eye drops can alleviate the condition readily but you should have your eyes medically examined to determine proper treatment.
Another common complaint by the over-50 crowd is “floaters and flashes.” Floaters resemble black spots or cobwebs wandering through your eye and can be constant or episodic. Flashes, which also are episodic, are brief flashes of light. Both normally are harmless but should be checked because they can signal a detached retina, which can lead to blindness.
Never Question . . .
. . . you’re spouses choices.
After all, you’re one of them.
Fish Fight Arthritis
The omega-3 fatty acids in fish bolster your body’s ability to battle inflammation that autoimmune rheumatoid arthritis causes to its victims’ joints, heart and lungs. A couple of fish servings a week can alleviate the pain and discomfort as can a daily dose of fish supplement.
Vitamin C-rich foods, such as citrus fruit, also help. Two CCs – celery and cherries – can help alleviate the pain caused by gout, a form of arthritis that flares up without warning to attack joints. Cherry juice also alleviates the pain and discomfort.
If you’re prone to gout attacks, you should avoid carbohydrates, such as white bread, and commercially prepared baked goods as well as processed foods.
One Thing You Can Say . . .
. . .about teamwork.
When things go wrong,
there’s always someone else to blame.
Heard the Latest about Hearing Aids?
Recent moves by the Food and Drug Administration have made it possible to buy hearing aids as Christmas gifts this year.
That FDA has ruled that hearing aids can be made available over the counter to the public without requiring users to have a medical hearing test first. It also means the devices don’t have to be programmed to one’s specific hearing deficiencies.
Hearing-aid users who have been paying several hundreds of dollars for doctor’s visits and hearing aids, and a few extra bucks to have them molded separately to fit comfortably into each ear, are able to stop by their nearest drug store and pick up a much-cheaper pair of devices that can magnify sound.
It also presents the possibility that you can buy a pair of hearing aids as a gift for a parent or spouse you’ve been yelling at for who-remembers-how-long.
Don’t expect this development to solve the hearing-loss problem for you and those around you. The first and best step anyone should take when considering the status of their hearing is to get tested by an audiologist. Perhaps simple sound amplifiers will work for you.
A pleasant offshoot of this development is that it may bring down the cost of more sophisticated hearing devices tailored for you by your audiologist.
Think About It . . .
. . .after a few short weeks in captivity,
dolphins train people
to stand at the edge of the pool
and toss fish at them.
Heel Pain Follows Aging
As fat grams and low-fat foods consume Americans’ thinking about the cuisine they love, there’s a
part of the body that can’t function without significant fat. The heel and ball of the foot require
healthy fatty deposits for shock absorption to cushion the impact of walking and exercise. The
heel hits the ground with a force 10 to 15 percent above body weight, according to the American College of Foot and Ankle Surgeons.
Heel pain is natural for seniors because there’s loss of muscle tone and atrophy of the foot’s fatty
deposits. This is no excuse to go out and splurge on ice cream sundaes because there’s nothing people can eat to replenish fat on the bottom of their feet. It’s just something people need to be aware of as they
age.
Tablemate . . .
. . . said the newly arrived lady
was a bookkeeper for a dozen years
before moving here.
She had our concierge return it to the library.
Hedonism Can Boost Longevity
Indulging in wine, chocolate and sweet snacks in moderation can actually help increase your
longevity, according to a British psychopharmacologist.
Dr. David Warburton of Reading University in Reading, England, said, “These substances have
a mild effect on the pleasure pathways of the brain, resulting in the improvement of mood. A good
mood lessens stress and helps strengthen the immune system. And research shows that people
who are happy on a regular basis are healthier and live longer.”
Warburton does not advocate giving up exercise and sound nutrition. But he does encourage
more leeway for indulging in life’s small delights. “I really worry that the health-conscious world
may be going overboard,” he says. “A too-severe, restrictive approach to pleasure produces a climate that encourages negative emotions and, ultimately, poorer health. You might say that we are advocating a life of moderate hedonism.”
Life . . .
. . .is just like money.
How you spend it
is what counts.
Sleeping Pills Hazardous
Getting a good night’s sleep may prove hazardous to your health if you use prescription sleeping pills every night, according to a recent study.
Men and women who used prescription sleeping pills daily were nearly 30 percent more likely to die within the six-year follow-up period than those who didn’t take pills, according to test results. The hazard associated with taking sleeping pills at least 30 times a month was similar to the hazard of smoking one to two packs of cigarettes per day.
Test officials said people often take sleeping pills to help them function better the next day. But research shows that people who rely on sleeping pills perform worse and have more accidents than those who don’t.
Talking With My Brother . . .
. . . on Family Sunday,
I was reminded that one of our favorite uncles
began walking a mile a day in his early 80s.
He just passed his 95th birthday
and nobody knows where the hell he is.
Some people never get my name right
While there have been several requests about how to pronounce my first name, See-sill for Cecil is easy to remember.
It’s my last name that gives them the most trouble. In English, you just pronounce every letter – Scag-lee-owe-knee. In Italian, the “gl” is swallowed and the name comes out Scal-YO-knee. It works the same as gnocci — knee-oki
Even after several attempts, most seem to prefer spelling my last name ending with an “i” – Scaglioni. My insurance company persisted for years to keep spelling it that way even though it was spelled correctly on the policy.
Many editors have had head-scratching sessions to make sure the by-line on my stories was spelled correctly. For many years, they preferred the shortened Cec Scaglione. One article in my Detroit paper appeared under the by-line of Ceg Scaglione until a sharp-eyed editor caught it and corrected it for the later editions.
Early in my career, I received a check from a Toronto magazine made out to Cec Scogbone. I managed to get it cashed at my bank so it didn’t become a problem.
I get a lot of correspondence with the “g” dropped – Scalione. One of the credit-card companies I was enlisted with a while ago persisted in sending me a monthly statement addressed to Scaslione. They even came up once with Schelione.
A welfare agency I did a story about sent me a thank-you note with the name Scageclone. A complimentary note for a story I wrote was addressed to Mr. Scheline. A Methodist bishop sent a letter to my boss lauding the effort of Mr. Ceg Scaliogre.
My Doctor Should Be A . . .
. . .stand-up comic.
When I told him I was shrinking,
he told me
I should learn to be a little patient.
Holiday Travel No Picnic
My tablemate said he saved a couple hundred dollars by heading home for the holidays today instead of waiting a couple of days.
You might think about traveling on the holiday ‑‑ Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Day or New Year’s Day – if you plan flying anywhere this festive season. Airliners are less cramped on those days. Crunching crowds can be expected throughout the Thanksgiving ‑ New Year’s holiday season at train and bus terminals and on highways and city streets as well as airports.
If you’re flying, also consider flights early in the day to avoid the ripple effect that builds up as more and more flights are disrupted, delayed or canceled as the day goes on. And get to the airport early. The closer to flight time you arrive, the greater are your chances of being bumped because airlines tend to overbook most flights.
Whenever . . .
. . .you think the world around you is crazy,
just remember those two guys
who tried making everyone believe we could fly.
They were Wright.
Not All Brokers On The Level
Brokers are no different than used-car salespeople — or butchers, baker and candlestick-makers.
They’re in business to make money.
That means they’re more interested in their own welfare than yours. The only way they make money is by selling stock. The more transactions they conduct, the more commissions they earn.
If you run into one with a larcenous heart, you’re in trouble because there also is little chance
that you’ll recoup your money.
A sad New York story is a simple example of what can go wrong.
A father of three in his 20s was paralyzed from the waist down in a traffic accident and received compensation of $2.1 million. He had never invested money before and was referred to a broker who was his brother’s doctor’s son.
The young man’s accountant instructed the broker to invest the money conservatively. The broker
sunk the money into some 20 mutual funds, which resulted in an array of commissions, and then
sold them to purchase high-tech stocks on margin for more commissions.
Ten months later, the brokerage house informed the paraplegic investor that there was less than $63,000 in his account and his broker had disappeared.
Check out your broker and keep in touch with them constantly. It’s your money.
Mature Life Features 