Mature Life Features

. . . watching my waistline

because

I kept bumping into things.

. . . you finally and fully realize

how quickly

the dead are forgotten,

you’ll quit

trying to impress people.

. . . to

keep in mind

that

facts beat eloquence.

. . . when

a braille reader

hits on the message

“Do Not Touch”?

. . . that,

as soon as you learn

how to do something,

you want to

do something else?

. . . at interesting times.

Pizza delivery

arrives faster

than the police.

. . . what did you pick —

— a career

or

a decent income?

. . . on my newspaper alumni blog

recounts that he had

a pleasant encounter

with his ex-wife.

“She still thinks I’m hot.

As she passed by me,

she said

‘What an ass.'”

. . . a fish

and you feed them for a day,

it’s been said,

but show them onto the internet

and

they’ll never bother you again.

. . . all the time

you want,

but it eventually

will kill you.