Mature Life Features

Cecil Scaglione, Editor

When You Tell Jokes . . .

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. . . avoid any about the unemployed

because they don’t work.

Preparing for Death Helps the Living

Several years ago, a friend in his early 40s who was the police chief in our city, was diagnosed with raging cancer and given a few weeks to live.

He called all his friends and colleagues to a night at a local club and hosted a farewell party. At the beginning of the evening, he told everyone of his situation, told them all to eat and drink up and that he didn’t wish to see them anymore because he wanted them to remember him as he was that night.

That was his funeral.

You don’t have to do the same thing. You can acquire a life-insurance policy payable on your death to be used to pay for the casket and caterer when you pass away.

You can pare the price by opting for less-expensive cremation rather than pay for an elaborate and costly sealed box to house your remains underground.

There’s no need to buy a pre-paid package from the funeral home down the street.

In fact, some two-thirds of the more than 70-million aging baby boomers do not perceive traditional funeral-home service as a good value. Slightly more said they do not trust funeral homes to not take advantage of people during their time of sorrow.

You can work out your own funeral plans simply and economically. First ask yourself if you want an elaborate service and several-day visitation or do you prefer a simple gathering of relatives and friends. Do you want to be buried in a casket or is cremation your preference? What does your family want? Discuss it with them.

Just as sure as you were born, with which you had nothing to do, you’re going to die, but you can so do something about the arrangements.

Written by Cecil Scaglione

January 20, 2023 at 2:00 am

The Nurse . . .

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. . . in the doctor’s office yesterday

was going to give me a memo

but when she reached into her pocket

she pulled out a rectal thermometer,

which prompted her to explain,

“Some asshole has my pen.”

Boomers Retirement Wealth

Surpasses Predecessors

The initial generation of baby boomers who are now in their 70s have accumulated more wealth
at the same age than their previous generation, according to research compiled by the University
of Missouri-Columbia. The results do not support the commonly held stereotype of free-spending boomers.
Boomers have more than triple the amount of savings in stock funds compared with their predecessors. This could affect proposed Social Security reform that encourages even broader investment in
equities since the government program is designed to be a hedge against increased exposure to stock-market risk.
Researchers compared financial records of the first generation of baby boomers – those
born between 1945 and 1957 – with those of the last generation of pre-boomers born between
1933 and 1945.

Written by Cecil Scaglione

January 18, 2023 at 2:00 am

Posted in Finance, Health

Tagged with , ,

A Relative . . .

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. . . who works in the movie business

said she just left a job

without making a scene.

Church-Goers Live Longer

Older Americans, especially women, who attend religious services at least
once a week have a better chance at longevity than those who don’t, according to gerentology study. The risk of dying for frequent church attenders was 46 percent lower than for those attending services less often, even after adjusting for demographic factors, physical- and mental-health conditions, social connections and health practices.

A number of psycho-social and behavioral pathways could be responsible.

First, frequent church-attendees have larger social networks and experience greater
support than infrequent attenders. Greater social support may also have direct effects on
the immune system to fend off disease and facilitate recovery.

Second, frequent religious attendance may foster attitudes of compliance and care for the
physical body.

And, finally, religious attendance is related to lower rates of depression, anxiety, and stress.

What has not been made clear is why women seem to have an edge over men in their survival rates.

Written by Cecil Scaglione

January 17, 2023 at 2:00 am

Posted in Health, Humor / Quote

Tagged with ,

Just Learned . . .

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. . . the term “gaslighting”

used so much these days by the talking TV heads

is derived from the stage play and movie “Gaslight”

way back in the 1930s.

In which an abusive husband

manipulates the gas lights bright and dim

while telling his wife she’s just imagining it

and that she’s losing her mind.

It’s become a term for blaming you

for what I’m doing and

everything is all your fault.

Written by Cecil Scaglione

January 16, 2023 at 2:00 am

Posted in News / Events

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For People . . .

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. . .who are colorblind,

do things come to them

out of the green?

Written by Cecil Scaglione

January 15, 2023 at 2:00 am

Posted in Humor / Quote

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There’s A Simple Reason . . .

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. . .why a kangaroo can jump

higher than a house.

Houses can’t jump.

Don’t Say ‘Nuts’ to Almonds

The Food and Drug Administration has approved the claim that eating 1.5 ounces of most nuts may reduce the risk of heart disease.
Scientific evidence suggests that eating 1.5 ounces per day of most nuts, such as almonds, as part of a diet low in saturated fat and cholesterol may reduce the risk of heart disease, according to the statement.
The claim, which is based on the rigorous review of scientific research citing the heart health benefits of nuts, is a result of a petition filed by the International Tree Nut Council Nutrition Research and Education Foundation.

Written by Cecil Scaglione

January 14, 2023 at 2:00 am

Posted in Health, Humor / Quote

Tagged with ,

Most Drivers . . .

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. . .around here

haven’t learned that

there’s more to being a motorist

than aiming a car.

If It Sounds too Good to be True . . .

A family member received an e-mail from a sender who identified themselves as an attorney in Lagos, Nigeria. They cited the list of difficulties they had tracking down any relatives of their client, who worked for the “Atlas Dreging company in Nigeria” at the time of the crash that killed him, his
wife, and two children “along sagbama express road.”
After several inquiries to various embassies, the sender decided to try the Internet to locate any
relatives of the deceased family “to assist in repatriating the money and properties left behind by
my client before they get confiscated or declared unserviceable by the bank where this huge
deposit were lodged…where the deceased had a deposit valued at about U.S. $5.3 million.”
The sender pointed out quick action was required because he only has six weeks to get back to the
bank with legitimate claimants to the fortune.
“You and I can share the money as follows, 60% shall be for me, while 40% of the funds shall be
retained by you. However, Upon release of the funds to you, My own share shall be held in trust
for me pending when I come over to your country for the disbursement of the funds stated
above,” the message continued.
So how can I go wrong, the victim asks. The money is in my hands and I hold onto it until this
lawyer fellow comes over and gets his share. And 40 percent of $5.3 million isn’t bad.
“Therefore, All I require is absolute trust and your honest cooperation to enable us see this deal
through. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect
you from any breach of the law. please get in touch with me immediately as I do not have much
time at my disposal.”
It’s a scam. An obvious giveaway in this case is the stilted language, misspelling, and discordant
grammar in the message.
My bank circulated a warning about a resurgence of the Nigerian Advance Fee scheme,
which has been around for decades. But people still fall for it.
This scheme involves receipt of a letter or e-mail claiming to come from someone who works for the
Nigerian Central Bank or some Nigerian government agency.
The recipient is told the senders seek a reputable foreign company or individual into whose
account they can deposit funds to facilitate a large transaction, for which the recipient will be paid
a fee, usually a percentage of the funds being moved. A variation is to require the recipient to pay a good-faith deposit or bond to participate in this transaction.
The goal by the crooks in all these cases is to make the victim believe he or she has had the good
fortune to be singled out for such a munificent amount of money.

Written by Cecil Scaglione

January 12, 2023 at 2:00 am

Folks Who Dine . . .

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. . . have found that

some kitchen crews

are very creative on the menu

but have no idea

how to prepare what they print.

Golden Years Lasting Longer

Recent research has many experts believing that living to the currently
believed ceiling of 120 might be a reality within the next three or four decades.
But that could be just the beginning. There was almost unanimous agreement that people will live longer than that in the not-too-distant future. There was less clarity regarding the quality of these extra years of life.

According to a report by the United Nations Population Division, “life expectancy is
projected to increase steadily in all countries after 2050.” And, for the first time, the Population
Division reports that “no limit is set on the increases of life expectancy.”

There are more than 55 million people (in the United States) over age 65, and some 6 million over age 85. Medical researchers suggest a combination of genetic manipulation coupled with advances in molecular biology will likely play a significant role in longevity in the future. Technology has developed the capacity to markedly increase longevity. Stem-cell research and a field of science known as regenerative medicine will soon offer researchers opportunities to reconstruct organs before they fail.

As a professor at New Hampshire’s Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center explained it, man stood up 5 million years ago for the first time, and then it took him another 3 million years to create a hand axe. It was a slow start, but the pace kept picking up and today’s technological developments are moving at such a rapid pace that it’s not difficult to imagine something as exciting as nanotechnology right around the corner.

Written by Cecil Scaglione

January 11, 2023 at 2:00 am

Posted in A Musing, Aging, Humor / Quote

Tagged with ,

It’s Been . . .

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. . . adaged that

you should walk a mile in one’s shoes

before criticizing them.

You can criticize me all you want because

you ain’t ever gonna walk anywhere

in my shoes.

Traffic-Light Colors Curb

Red-Nose Embarrassment


Older women with a skin condition called rosacea might want to think about the colors of a
traffic light next time they’re shopping at the cosmetic counter. It turns out that green-tone and
yellow-based makeup can help mask the redness of the acne-like facial disorder that affects an
estimated 14 million Americans.
In a survey of more than 900 rosacea patients conducted by the National Rosacea Society, 88
percent of respondents said cosmetics help conceal its effects on facial appearance.
More than half – 54 percent – noted that they turn to yellow-based natural colors or green-tone
makeup to offset the rosacea redness, compared with 25 percent who reported using more
traditional pink-based natural hues.
Rosacea typically begins at any time after age 30 as a flushing or redness on the cheeks, nose,
chin, or forehead. It may come and go. Over time, the redness tends to become ruddier and more
persistent, and small dilated blood vessels may appear.
Without treatment, bumps and pimples often develop and, in severe cases, the nose may become
swollen from excess tissue. In many patients, the eyes are also affected, feeling irritated and
appearing watery or bloodshot.

Written by Cecil Scaglione

January 10, 2023 at 2:00 am

Posted in Aging, Health, Humor / Quote

Tagged with ,

If They . . .

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. . .arrested the devil,

would they charge him

with possession?

America’s Colorful Hall of Fame

We smelled it as soon as we swooshed through the cool glass doors from the oppressive Pennsylvania humidity into the revitalizing air-conditioned building.

“Crayons,” my wife said.

We had entered the Crayola Hall of Fame nestled in a high rolling Easton meadow close by the New Jersey border just 90 minutes from downtown Manhattan.

It was a timely visit because a mittful of tones were to be retired to be replaced by a similar number in the colorful contingent. I lobbied for the enshrinement of a violet orange I developed when an old crayon melted in my water color set long ago but I was too late.

The initial move to modernity was made a few decades ago after interviews with Crayola’s major consumers – kids – revealed a need for brightness among the corporate colors. We asked our guide if there was any move to add a scent to the product. “Are you kidding?” was the response. Studies show that crayons are among the 20 most-recognized scents in America. Coffee and peanut butter top the list.

It was almost disappointing to see how such colorful pieces of my life could be the product of such a cramped and constantly-clattering plant. It was like discovering that Santa’s workshop is in a carport.

Workers did display an elfin dedication to quality in the care and concern they show in making sure every Crayola has a straight label and perfectly pointed tip. Color was splattered all over as paraffin was recycled in large globs, colorful paper sleeves awaited the cylindrical sticks of color, and the familiar orange-and-green boxes of various sizes housed hundreds of thousands of Crayolas ready for shipment around the globe.

Crayolas have rolled out of this site since the first eight-color pack was produced in 1903 and sold for a nickel. The trade name Crayola derives from the French word craie for chalk and the Latin oleum for oil. Crayolas are made of paraffin and pigment. And crayon is the generic term for a colored writing stick.

The one person I hunted for but never found: the inspector who checks for crayons that stay inside the lines.

Written by Cecil Scaglione

January 8, 2023 at 2:00 am