Archive for the ‘Humor / Quote’ Category
If You Want People . . .
. . . to remember you,
borrow some money from them.
Don’t Choke on Pension Lump Sum
A couple we know lived through a lesson for all of us when the topic of pensions arises. The question focused on was whether they should take their pension cash with them when they retire or leave it with the company so they can receive monthly payments during their senior years.
They worked for different companies but both retired before the traditional 65-years-of-age so they could travel and enjoy life and living while they were still mobile and in relatively good health. They agreed that the wife would take her money and her husband would leave his with the firm because the total was much bigger and offered a much-more substantial monthly income.
They reached their decision after contacting a financial advisor to see what opportunities were available for investing the lump-sum pension check while still having money available for travel or medical expenses. They had set aside a sizable kitty over the years in bank certificates of deposit to cover day-to-day expenses until they could draw Social Security benefits.vEvery facet of their financial lives had been probed and programmed.
Except for one drastic occurrence.
Shortly after the husband quit working, a couple of deaths in the families that owned the controlling interest in his former company suddenly made it easy prey for a takeover. This resulted in a split in ownership/management philosophy. After a rapid series of internal battles, the company was sold. The new owners divvied it up into a handful of several divisions and sold each piece by piece.
And through all this, the original company pension was defunded and disappeared. The golden years planned by the couple were turned to trash.
This story is not to be taken as an endorsement of taking out retirement income in a lump sum. It does shine light on one of the perils of walking off the job without such an enticing check. A MetLife study revealed that one out of every five retirees who did leave the job with a lump-sum retirement payment spent it all in less than six years.
All Things . . .
. . . must pass,
we’ve been schooled to believe,
but what do you when
you’re behind a school bus.
Strokes Kill More Women
Than Does Breast Cancer
One out of every five women between the ages of 55 and 75 will have a stroke. The risk factors include smoking, high blood pressure and obesity.
Because stroke robs the brain of blood and oxygen, it kills brain cells that can lead to
paralysis, loss of speech, loss of memory, diminished reasoning, coma — sometimes death. Stroke leaves more than 60 percent of its victims disabled.
To protect against stroke, avoid smoking. Studies indicate about one out of four women 18 and older are smokers. Eating a balanced, low-fat diet to control blood cholesterol levels also helps. And maintaining even a moderate level of physical activity helps control weight.
When You Tell Jokes . . .
. . . avoid any about the unemployed
because they don’t work.
Preparing for Death Helps the Living
Several years ago, a friend in his early 40s who was the police chief in our city, was diagnosed with raging cancer and given a few weeks to live.
He called all his friends and colleagues to a night at a local club and hosted a farewell party. At the beginning of the evening, he told everyone of his situation, told them all to eat and drink up and that he didn’t wish to see them anymore because he wanted them to remember him as he was that night.
That was his funeral.
You don’t have to do the same thing. You can acquire a life-insurance policy payable on your death to be used to pay for the casket and caterer when you pass away.
You can pare the price by opting for less-expensive cremation rather than pay for an elaborate and costly sealed box to house your remains underground.
There’s no need to buy a pre-paid package from the funeral home down the street.
In fact, some two-thirds of the more than 70-million aging baby boomers do not perceive traditional funeral-home service as a good value. Slightly more said they do not trust funeral homes to not take advantage of people during their time of sorrow.
You can work out your own funeral plans simply and economically. First ask yourself if you want an elaborate service and several-day visitation or do you prefer a simple gathering of relatives and friends. Do you want to be buried in a casket or is cremation your preference? What does your family want? Discuss it with them.
Just as sure as you were born, with which you had nothing to do, you’re going to die, but you can so do something about the arrangements.
A Relative . . .
. . . who works in the movie business
said she just left a job
without making a scene.
Church-Goers Live Longer
Older Americans, especially women, who attend religious services at least
once a week have a better chance at longevity than those who don’t, according to gerentology study. The risk of dying for frequent church attenders was 46 percent lower than for those attending services less often, even after adjusting for demographic factors, physical- and mental-health conditions, social connections and health practices.
A number of psycho-social and behavioral pathways could be responsible.
First, frequent church-attendees have larger social networks and experience greater
support than infrequent attenders. Greater social support may also have direct effects on
the immune system to fend off disease and facilitate recovery.
Second, frequent religious attendance may foster attitudes of compliance and care for the
physical body.
And, finally, religious attendance is related to lower rates of depression, anxiety, and stress.
What has not been made clear is why women seem to have an edge over men in their survival rates.
For People . . .
. . .who are colorblind,
do things come to them
out of the green?
There’s A Simple Reason . . .
. . .why a kangaroo can jump
higher than a house.
Houses can’t jump.
Don’t Say ‘Nuts’ to Almonds
The Food and Drug Administration has approved the claim that eating 1.5 ounces of most nuts may reduce the risk of heart disease.
Scientific evidence suggests that eating 1.5 ounces per day of most nuts, such as almonds, as part of a diet low in saturated fat and cholesterol may reduce the risk of heart disease, according to the statement.
The claim, which is based on the rigorous review of scientific research citing the heart health benefits of nuts, is a result of a petition filed by the International Tree Nut Council Nutrition Research and Education Foundation.
Most Drivers . . .
. . .around here
haven’t learned that
there’s more to being a motorist
than aiming a car.
If It Sounds too Good to be True . . .
A family member received an e-mail from a sender who identified themselves as an attorney in Lagos, Nigeria. They cited the list of difficulties they had tracking down any relatives of their client, who worked for the “Atlas Dreging company in Nigeria” at the time of the crash that killed him, his
wife, and two children “along sagbama express road.”
After several inquiries to various embassies, the sender decided to try the Internet to locate any
relatives of the deceased family “to assist in repatriating the money and properties left behind by
my client before they get confiscated or declared unserviceable by the bank where this huge
deposit were lodged…where the deceased had a deposit valued at about U.S. $5.3 million.”
The sender pointed out quick action was required because he only has six weeks to get back to the
bank with legitimate claimants to the fortune.
“You and I can share the money as follows, 60% shall be for me, while 40% of the funds shall be
retained by you. However, Upon release of the funds to you, My own share shall be held in trust
for me pending when I come over to your country for the disbursement of the funds stated
above,” the message continued.
So how can I go wrong, the victim asks. The money is in my hands and I hold onto it until this
lawyer fellow comes over and gets his share. And 40 percent of $5.3 million isn’t bad.
“Therefore, All I require is absolute trust and your honest cooperation to enable us see this deal
through. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect
you from any breach of the law. please get in touch with me immediately as I do not have much
time at my disposal.”
It’s a scam. An obvious giveaway in this case is the stilted language, misspelling, and discordant
grammar in the message.
My bank circulated a warning about a resurgence of the Nigerian Advance Fee scheme,
which has been around for decades. But people still fall for it.
This scheme involves receipt of a letter or e-mail claiming to come from someone who works for the
Nigerian Central Bank or some Nigerian government agency.
The recipient is told the senders seek a reputable foreign company or individual into whose
account they can deposit funds to facilitate a large transaction, for which the recipient will be paid
a fee, usually a percentage of the funds being moved. A variation is to require the recipient to pay a good-faith deposit or bond to participate in this transaction.
The goal by the crooks in all these cases is to make the victim believe he or she has had the good
fortune to be singled out for such a munificent amount of money.
Folks Who Dine . . .
. . . have found that
some kitchen crews
are very creative on the menu
but have no idea
how to prepare what they print.
Golden Years Lasting Longer
Recent research has many experts believing that living to the currently
believed ceiling of 120 might be a reality within the next three or four decades.
But that could be just the beginning. There was almost unanimous agreement that people will live longer than that in the not-too-distant future. There was less clarity regarding the quality of these extra years of life.
According to a report by the United Nations Population Division, “life expectancy is
projected to increase steadily in all countries after 2050.” And, for the first time, the Population
Division reports that “no limit is set on the increases of life expectancy.”
There are more than 55 million people (in the United States) over age 65, and some 6 million over age 85. Medical researchers suggest a combination of genetic manipulation coupled with advances in molecular biology will likely play a significant role in longevity in the future. Technology has developed the capacity to markedly increase longevity. Stem-cell research and a field of science known as regenerative medicine will soon offer researchers opportunities to reconstruct organs before they fail.
As a professor at New Hampshire’s Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center explained it, man stood up 5 million years ago for the first time, and then it took him another 3 million years to create a hand axe. It was a slow start, but the pace kept picking up and today’s technological developments are moving at such a rapid pace that it’s not difficult to imagine something as exciting as nanotechnology right around the corner.
It’s Been . . .
. . . adaged that
you should walk a mile in one’s shoes
before criticizing them.
You can criticize me all you want because
you ain’t ever gonna walk anywhere
in my shoes.
Traffic-Light Colors Curb
Red-Nose Embarrassment
Older women with a skin condition called rosacea might want to think about the colors of a
traffic light next time they’re shopping at the cosmetic counter. It turns out that green-tone and
yellow-based makeup can help mask the redness of the acne-like facial disorder that affects an
estimated 14 million Americans.
In a survey of more than 900 rosacea patients conducted by the National Rosacea Society, 88
percent of respondents said cosmetics help conceal its effects on facial appearance.
More than half – 54 percent – noted that they turn to yellow-based natural colors or green-tone
makeup to offset the rosacea redness, compared with 25 percent who reported using more
traditional pink-based natural hues.
Rosacea typically begins at any time after age 30 as a flushing or redness on the cheeks, nose,
chin, or forehead. It may come and go. Over time, the redness tends to become ruddier and more
persistent, and small dilated blood vessels may appear.
Without treatment, bumps and pimples often develop and, in severe cases, the nose may become
swollen from excess tissue. In many patients, the eyes are also affected, feeling irritated and
appearing watery or bloodshot.
You Folks . . .
. . . wanna have fun???
Check these out:
“drive and listen.com” and
“these maps aren’t in your world atlas”
Mature Life Features 