Archive for the ‘Humor / Quote’ Category
Now That the Bison . . .
. . . has been proclaimed our national mammal, some changes may have to be made to keep us Politically 
Correct.
First off is a new name for that lakeside city in New York and its NFL team will become the Bison Bills. We can’t overlook the Old West’s legendary shooter and showman — Bison Bill.
There’ll be some revised song lyrics (“O give me a home, where the bison roam . . .) as well as song titles (“Shuffle off to Bison). And restaurants will have to make menu changes: Bison Burgers.
There could be more but I don’t know if Native Americans will regale listeners with the “Legend of the White Bison.”
Why is it That. . .
. . . as soon as you have both hands loaded or tied up in a tricky piece of work,
your nose gets itchy?
Old Men are Grumpy because . . .
. . . they’re old, and they’re sober,
and both those conditions piss them off.
Ran into a Long-Time Relative Recently . . .
. . . whom I hadn’t seen for several years. She was alert, well-coifed and instantly 
recognizable despite being well into her 90s. We were pleased to see each other, went over details of some old tales, and got caught up on the lives of mutual friends, relatives and acquaintances. Many of the people at the social gathering we attended marveled at her energy and appearance and said they would like to look like her when thev become nonagenarians.
I think that’s great, as long as you’re female.
The Padres Need a New Stadium ! ! !
After being shut out in the first three home games of their new season, it seems they can’t play very well in the 12-year-old Petco Park they have.
If Trump’s a Sexist . . .
. . .for calling a female journalist “beautiful,”
what is he if he calls her “ugly”?
If Good Fences . . .
. . . make good neighbors, as Robert Frost suggested, you can make a slovenly neighbor a good neighbor when his yard becomes an eyesore by putting up a fine fence of mirrors so he can look at it instead of you.
My Doctor Said . . .
. . . all my tests — blood glucose, abdominal ultrasound, hearing and sight, and everything else — have turned out positive with no changes or negatives and I should keep on doing what I’ve been doing all along.
So I still go out and swear and shout at all those damned drivers and bicyclists in traffic.
Natural Selection no Longer Applies . . .
. . . to the human race because rapid and extensive advances in
the medical and scientific fields have created an intellectual imbalance by
keeping so many idiots alive.
Mature Life Features 